We have been Foster Carers for nearly 7 years and fostered children of many different ages. We have cared for two babies who have gone on to be adopted, and both experiences were very different.
When the outcome of court is that children are going to be adopted, you have the hardest part in saying goodbye but also the joy of seeing children move on with their new parents. Each time, it will cross your mind about adopting them yourselves which you can be asked to do by their social worker. But for us, our age played a big part in our decision not to, and also knowing there are so many people looking to adopt who cannot have children of their own.
We had Belle from 7 days old to 22 months old, she was so tiny. Zoe, we cared for from 13 months old, for around eight months. During the time we cared for them, we saw them meet many milestones and worked alongside birth parents.
Once adopters have been identified, you spend time working with them and the child during introductions, where the child and adopters are in a period of transition. This is an intensive time where we help the adopters and children get to know each other and become a family, spending time at their home and the adopters at yours.
When the adopters do their training, they are told how important (especially at the start) it is for them to keep in touch with the foster carers even if it’s just a video call to help the children with transition and developing new attachments. When your young people leave to go to their adoptive homes, they take a piece of your heart with them, but when you see how happy they are with their new parents, you see it is the right thing and how special it is.
Our first adoption with Zoe went amazingly well, they were all so happy and we have kept in touch with her new family via photos, videos etc. Zoe is now 6 and we meet up every year, and send birthday and Xmas presents and they send us videos of her opening them, she knows she used to live with us and we have the best time when we see her.
When Belle left us, our experience was different, ongoing contact with Belle was planned once a year and occasional photos. However, the adopters decided they did not want ongoing contact shortly after she left which broke our hearts, particularly after such a different experience the first time. We were lucky that we did get to see her once since she left but we will treasure the memories and time we spent with her and always remember the positive impact we had on her life.
We have learnt that endings for every child can be very different, and each situation is unique and may not always be the ending you would like it to be. However, we continue to enjoy fostering babies, watching them grow and develop but know they will leave to live with family or adoptive parents, but every day spent with any child you foster they are part of your family no matter how long they stay with you.